One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past year was taught to me by an author, Tom Robbins. The lesson he taught me says simply this:

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."

The implications of this seemingly simple quote are vast, and my life as changed remarkably since first reading it. Everytime I think of the quote, it teaches me something new about love and others.

We waste time. He was two years of my life. My high school love. I was a wreck without him. My love for him consumed my every thought daily. Wasted time? No. I'll never say that. I learned a thousand different things and loved greater than I could have imagined prior to knowing him. Love is never a waste of time.

But you know what was a waste of time? The fighting. The screaming. The impatience. Funny, how impatience wastes more time than it saves. Yes, I loved him, but there were many times when I did not act like it. There were many times, on his part, where he didn't either. And why? Because of petty insecurities. Because of selfishness. Because of thoughts that were not loving that should have been beaten into the ground with a very large stick at their very conceptions. All of these things were a waste of time that could have been saved had I taken a breath and said, "I love you, no matter what happens. Help me fix this, because we love each other, not because one of us is wrong or right." Unconditional love.

Looking for the perfect lover. We all know that perfection does not exist. We know it, but sometimes we don't think it. There is no such thing as a flawless person and if you're looking for someone without flaws, you'll be looking for a very long time. We can never be perfect people, and we will never find one.

Consequently, searching for perfection in a person you already love will result only in hurt feelings and disappointment. Molding someone to meet your idea of perfection is foolish, to say the least, and selfish, to say a bit more. The fact is, if you're looking for perfection in someone else, they're probably going to start looking for perfection in you, which I promise you is a summit of which you'll never reach the top.

I tried so hard to get him to change for me - even though I never would have admitted it at the time. I wanted to believe I was doing what you're supposed to do, by begging him to open up to me, by yelling at him, by nagging him. The fact is, the things he was doing were hurting me and they were hurting the relationship, and I'm pretty sure they were hurting him, but changing him for the sake of making him perfect was not the way to go about doing it. For one thing, if the other person doesn't want to change, you're not going to get anywhere. For another, why should he have to change who he is in order for me to love him? That is not the way love works, because if it did, there would be no such thing as love.

Instead of creating the perfect love. The idea that love is created is a beautiful one to me. It isn't found. It isn't chance that makes us love someone, but our own creation. Which means, of course, that it is my responsibility to love someone the best way that I know how.

What is the perfect love? I think that changes for every group of people, but I know what mine is. Acceptance. Caring. Loyalty. Excitement. Learning. Teaching. Honesty. Trust. Forgiveness. These are things people struggle with. I do. Everyday. But the fact is, if you show someone unconditional love, they will be more inclined to show it to you.

Everyone says that love isn't easy, but most of them believe in love being chance. And maybe there's some aspect of luck in it. But I say love isn't easy because love is conscious. It is a decision, and one that many people have to make compromises for. We're told that if you have to change yourself to be with someone, you need to get out, which is true to some extent. But, guess what, if you're not willing to sacrifice anything? You don't have any idea what love is.

Through broken hearts and shattered love, I am trying to love like this. I promise, for what it's worth, that at the end of the day, this will be my default. Even if I have to reset everything to get back there, I'll do it. I'm going to slip up - so is he. But that's what creating the perfect love means: making a way to be together through everything.

I'll give you the stars if you'll find me the moon.

Had I realized these things three years ago, one year ago, perhaps things would be very different. As it is, I think I realized them at exactly the right time. I will always love again.