Maybe I've loved too much. Maybe I am too nice, too kind, too caring, too open, too easy to fall in love- that maybe I am doing this to myself. Maybe I love people so easily, too loosely. Maybe I give my heart up too fast. Or maybe I've never had true love in the first place. Because if any of my love in that past was true love, well it wouldnt be in the past, would it? What the fuck is true love anyways? Who is to determine whats true and whats not true? Are their stages of love that we fall in and out of? And if thats the case, why the fuck is that acceptable? Why do we let ourselves love when its not mad, and passionate love? Why do we give our hearts over to people who don't even realize how precious, fragile, and unique it is? Why do we allow mediocre love? Are we so inclined just to feel accepted and desirable that we let ourselves love people that aren't worthy of our love? Why do we allow for ourselves to come crashing down because of something mediocre?
I have been hurt way too many times, I have cried way to many tears, The gaping hole in my chest has grown way too large and dark, and the hurt in my heart has grown way too tight. I have bit my tongue too many times, I have accepted more bullshit than anyone should ever accept. I am done. Mark my mother-fucking-word. I am completely over this nonsense. I am strong, and beautiful, and intelligent, and interesting, and natural, and charming, and simple, and complicated, and barefoot, and hilarious, and strange, and uncoordinated, and wonderful, and laid back, and unique, and without makeup, and creative, and goofy, and silly, and imperfect, and smiley, and grumpy, and loud, and quiet, and under-dressed, and competitive, and sweet, and messy, and clumsy, and pretty, and full of love.
And its about time some guy realizes that, and I won't accept someone who doesn't accept all those things. I have goals, and plans and hopes and dreams and desires and I'll be damned to let some ridiculous, rude, critical, heart break take that from me!!! I refuse to have mediocre love. I refuse to give my heart over again. I refuse to put myself through the pain again. I refuse love, until the right love stumbles along, until the right man is ready to fight for me, until he is ready to make sacrifices, until he is mature enough to have a real relationship, until he is man enough not to run when times get tough... I'm not saying I am refusing men all together- because God knows I've got a soft spot for warm arms, slow kisses, uncontrollable laughs, beer and football and the sweet sweet smells of a man. But when it comes to love, I am drawing the line.
No comments:
Post a Comment